Brave New World . . .

I’m definitely not technically inclined. While everyone else gets excited about the latest and greatest in cell phone upgrades, I’m still longing for my outdated flip phone that did nothing but send and receive calls.

My husband decided to get me a SmartPhone when my outdated phone died and could not be resuscitated. He was very excited to have a new bit of technology in his hands and would have liked to spend hours telling me all the neat and wonderful things it could do. My only question was, “How do I turn it off when I go to church?”

Besides my husband and children only one other family has my cell phone number. They have learned that if they call me on the cell phone and I don’t answer within a couple of rings, I’m either fumbling to remember how to answer it or I forgot to turn on the sound after church. Actually, we have a good pattern going: They call, they hang up and immediately call the land line phone. I answer. Mission accomplished!

My poor husband had visions of us keeping track of each other at the grocery store or mall as we could easily just call and find out where the other person was currently . . . except for that one, minor problem about me forgetting to turn the volume on. One shopping trip, I’m off wandering about enjoying my browsing when I start hearing some odd music. Interesting . . . I continue happily along the way but still wonder where the music is coming from. A few minutes later, I see my husband coming towards me, phone to his ear, and an unhappy expression on his face. He looks up, sees me and doesn’t greet me with a smile but demands, “Why aren’t you answering your phone!” He asked for my phone and said, “Do you hear that music? THAT is your phone ringing.” Really? I remembered turning off the volume when we went to church. My husband said that when I put my phone down at home, he secretly turned up the volume for just such a moment . . . only it still didn’t work.

Today, technology messed up our land line. People told us they were leaving messages but no calls were coming through. We called our land line provider who claim to be available for service 24/7 only every number we tried informed us the office was closed. We finally got through after ‘opening hours’ and were informed we had curtailed service to our land line. My husband carefully explained at least twice that there were only two people in the house that could have done that . . . but didn’t. Now they are talking about some upgrade with fiber optics while I haven’t even gotten the hang of volume UP and volume OFF. To confuse me further, until the land phone connection can be fixed, they will be routing our land phone number through my cell phone. Oh, oh!

So, until the land line problem is fixed next week, any one needing emergency contact with me might try going with snail mail. I DO know where the mailbox is located and how to access it.

Me and Technology

P1000577For the last five years or so, I have had a flip phone that suited my purposes well. It only had the numbers of my family and one other family. Period. I do not like talking on the phone and I especially hate conversing while trying to shop or wherever anyone might catch me and want to chat. In fact, most people don’t even realize I own a cell phone! Given my needs, my flip phone was perfect for me. It broke. My husband rejoiced. He has been wanting me to get a SmartPhone of sorts for several years. I kept telling him that I wasn’t smart enough for a smart phone yet I now have one.

My daughter immediately helped me pick out a case for it but it didn’t come with one of those ultra-thin plastic sheets to protect the surface and Walmart didn’t carry the size we needed. It is on order. In the meantime, my husband found an extra one around the house that didn’t exactly fit but would be okay until the sized one arrived. I keep my phone in my back pocket and because of the sizing of the temporary protection sheet, it soon wrinkled, bubbled, and folded. In order to keep it somewhat in place, I did the only reasonable thing and put a rubber band around it. My family shakes their collective heads as I have managed to take technology down a few step and turned my state-of-the-art phone into a nerd phone.

The other day, while shopping at Walmart, my husband misplaced me so called to find out where I had wandered off. I felt my phone vibrate (I never keep the ring tone on!), pulled it out of my pocket, saw it was my husband, wanted to answer him but realized that no one had told me how to answer the phone! As I struggled to work it out, i almost bumped into my husband who had located me by sight. He just looked resigned and shook his head very sadly.