Cruising on the Internet Today

A guy goes into a bar in new york where all the bartenders are robots:

The guy sits down at the bar and the robot asks: “What will you have?

The guy replies, “Whiskey.”

The robot brings back his drink and asks, “what’s your IQ?”

The guy says, “168”

The robot talks about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
After the guy leaves, he pauses at the street corner and thinks about what he just encountered,and the more he thinks about it the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.

The robot asks, “What’s your drink?”

The guy answers, “Whiskey.”

The robot returns with his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”

This time the man replies, “100.”

The robot talks about NASCAR, Budweiser, and all-star wrestling.

The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in this “experiment” that he decides he’ll try again.

He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.

The man replies, “Whiskey.”

The robot brings the drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”

This time the man answers, “50.”

The robot leans in real close and slowly asks,
“So, are you people still unhappy that Hillary lost?”

Parental Translations

Words of Wisdom from the Internet:

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Show Off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Husbands Take Note?

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me hat I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf – always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp

From the Internet – Discerning Spoiled Food in Your Kitchen

THE GAG TEST – DISCERNING SPOILED FOOD

Anything that make you gag is spoiled, except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night.

Eggs
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

Daily products
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can’t get any more spoiled that it is already . . . unless it’s getting blue and furry, then you’d better back off.

Mayonnaise
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

Frozen foods
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

Meat
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

Potatoes
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

Empty containers
Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you have a wife or a maid.

General Rule of Thumb
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

Valentine Riddles – Better Late Than Never . . .Maybe!

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
❤Stick with me and we’ll go places.

What travels the world over and stays in one corner?
❤A stamp.

What does an envelope say when you lick it?
❤Nothing, it shuts up.

Whom do birds marry?
❤Their tweethearts.

Where does Valentine’s Day come after Easter?
❤In the dictionary.

Is it better to write a love letter on an empty stomach or a full stomach?
❤It is better to write it on paper.

What is the longest word in the English language?
❤SMILES. There is a mile between the first and last letter.

Why is the letter A like a flower?
❤Because a B comes after it.