Suppose you purchased tickets for a raffle and finally, for the first time in your life, actually won something . . . Would you claim your prize or change your home phone number:
1. Choice of king or queen size mattress from the Used Mattress Outlet. Fumigation expenses the responsibility of the winner.
2. Free bail bond – must be used within six months of receipt.
3. Two cubic yards of ready mix concrete delivered to your door on even numbered days if they fall on a Wednesday, between one and two in the morning.
4. Free laser eye surgery from the Derby School of Eye Surgery. (You’ve seen their ad in matchbook covers)
5. Free like-mahogany casket. Must take immediate delivery. Only used once!
6. Free steam cleaning of your front door mat. Good only with cost of carpet cleaning of your entire home.
7. Free bridal dress and accessories. Bride must be born prior to 1948 and wear a size five.
8. Free termite inspection. The company’s motto is We Always Find Bugs. A two percent discount on subsequent treatment of your home.
9. Twenty-five years of life insurance, premium-free. Must be five years or under to qualify.
10. Your grain milled free for a year. Minimum poundage per visit, one ton. Complimentary bale of hay with each visit
(Although I’ve ‘won’ some ‘interesting’ raffle prizes over the years, these (I hope!), are figments of my overactive imagination!)