Barbara’s Mommy Chronicles – The Abbreviated Version

I awake in the a.m. and retire in the p.m. I live in the year some thing or other AD. As far as I am concerned those are about all the initials I need in my life. Life, however, doesn’t agree on this point. Each day finds me deciphering mysterious sets of letters that represent actual people, places and things.

I am trying not to be paranoid but I feel like I am constantly on a game show of some sort. The representative initials can hit without warning. It is up to me to successfully translate their meaning before I can continue with my life. Initials, lone letters of the alphabet loom on the horizon of my sanity. Try as I might to avoid them, they invade when least expected and I have to immediately struggle with a translation in order to keep up.

I arrive at morning Mass in the a.m. and soon hear that the RCIA will meet that evening. CCD will take place on Monday afternoon. It is suggested that all attending these meetings get there ASAP. They probably divulge the newest sets of initials early on in the program so one doesn’t want to be late.

As Mass progresses, if I find anything out of the ordinary, I am told to refer to the last meeting of the NCCB.

I return home, slowing at RR crossings. I discover the sprinkler system is on the blink and will require PVC piping PDQ or we will have a flood. On the way to the garden shop, the radio DJ tells me it will be warm and sunny. Pretty long words to be used by someone with a two-letter name.

At the store, I experience a delay as the IBM system seems to be down and they are having trouble getting through with the AT&T. The clerk gives me a bright smile and apologizes for the SNAFU!

My busy day requires visits to both an MD and a DDS. Good thing I am not a PhD or I might spend more time than necessary trying to figure out why.
When I get home, I get my mail and find letters from AARP and advertisements from BMW. There is also an invitation to a BYOB party. I feel the strain of the day setting in and decide that I won’t care about finding out what a BYOB party entails. The sender provided a SASE so I could RSVP promptly.

An evening in front of the television sounds brain-numbing enough for an over-abbreviated person. I tune in just a they show pictures of UFO’s on the news. And the same story appears on ABC, CBS and NBC. A semi-interesting documentary on the life span of a bat suddenly informed it’s viewers that it was being shown on PBS.

A video selection begins with a soldier who is AWOL. The newspaper has the ACLU defending someone again. I make a deliberate effort to calm myself and think in well-spelled out, whole words because I know if I really start emoting at this point, I will pass out . . . and someone will probably start CPR.