A Dialogue on Charity
by T. E. H.
Fr. Lan from Fooland (He insists it pronounced “fulland”) & Parishioner R. Hood
Fr. L: Mr. Hood! Why are you trying to start my car?
R.H.: Why father, I’m just trying to live up to your sermons. Didn’t you say last Sunday that if a poor person steals something from a rich person, there was no sin involved? That is was a positive good?
Fr. L: I certainly did and I stand by that. The obligations of Christian charity require that we have a preferential option for the poor. But since I’m not rich and you’re not poor, what does that have to do with my car?
R.H.: Well you certainly didn’t give us any way of deciding who was rich and who was poor. So, I checked on your salary and benefits and since you make more than me, that makes you richer and me poorer. So you’re rich and I’m poor.
Fr. L: That’s ridiculous! Besides, I never intended it to apply to you or me, but to the really rich and the really poor.
R.H.: You seem rich enough to me, and I certainly feel poor. And as you said in another sermon, feelings are what it’s all about.
Fr. L: I’m not going to bandy words with you anymore. Get out of my car or I’m calling the police.
R.H.: I’m shocked that you would willing collaborate with the um, what did you call them, oh yeah!, the tools of the American fascist regime. At least that’s what you called them when they were turning people over to the immigration service.
Fr. L: Just, get, out, of, my, car!
R.H.: Don’t have a fit, father, I’ll get out. I’ll even give you my key for the car. I’ll see if my son still has his key. He was a little tipsy when he came home last night and might have dropped it on the way into the house. Don’t worry, I gave him a good talking to about drinking and driving. He won’t do that again.
Fr. L: You mean that your rotten, no good, drugged out, bum of a son, has been driving my car?
R.H.: Sure father, he’s even poorer than I am.