Brave New World . . .

I’m definitely not technically inclined. While everyone else gets excited about the latest and greatest in cell phone upgrades, I’m still longing for my outdated flip phone that did nothing but send and receive calls.

My husband decided to get me a SmartPhone when my outdated phone died and could not be resuscitated. He was very excited to have a new bit of technology in his hands and would have liked to spend hours telling me all the neat and wonderful things it could do. My only question was, “How do I turn it off when I go to church?”

Besides my husband and children only one other family has my cell phone number. They have learned that if they call me on the cell phone and I don’t answer within a couple of rings, I’m either fumbling to remember how to answer it or I forgot to turn on the sound after church. Actually, we have a good pattern going: They call, they hang up and immediately call the land line phone. I answer. Mission accomplished!

My poor husband had visions of us keeping track of each other at the grocery store or mall as we could easily just call and find out where the other person was currently . . . except for that one, minor problem about me forgetting to turn the volume on. One shopping trip, I’m off wandering about enjoying my browsing when I start hearing some odd music. Interesting . . . I continue happily along the way but still wonder where the music is coming from. A few minutes later, I see my husband coming towards me, phone to his ear, and an unhappy expression on his face. He looks up, sees me and doesn’t greet me with a smile but demands, “Why aren’t you answering your phone!” He asked for my phone and said, “Do you hear that music? THAT is your phone ringing.” Really? I remembered turning off the volume when we went to church. My husband said that when I put my phone down at home, he secretly turned up the volume for just such a moment . . . only it still didn’t work.

Today, technology messed up our land line. People told us they were leaving messages but no calls were coming through. We called our land line provider who claim to be available for service 24/7 only every number we tried informed us the office was closed. We finally got through after ‘opening hours’ and were informed we had curtailed service to our land line. My husband carefully explained at least twice that there were only two people in the house that could have done that . . . but didn’t. Now they are talking about some upgrade with fiber optics while I haven’t even gotten the hang of volume UP and volume OFF. To confuse me further, until the land phone connection can be fixed, they will be routing our land phone number through my cell phone. Oh, oh!

So, until the land line problem is fixed next week, any one needing emergency contact with me might try going with snail mail. I DO know where the mailbox is located and how to access it.

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